I woke up to my sister’s high pitch voice saying my dad is in “code.” I didn’t understand what she meant, but it feels so bad that I got up and went to the hospital.

We were watching the doctors resuscitating the lifeless form of my dad. I felt blank witnessing it from a distance while a group of student doctors were close hovering and studying it intently. Unfortunately my mom went to US for work and my elder sister was not in our house at that time. So, I am the one who should be making decisions. Me. An adult child. The doctor asked my age and I said 30.

She said, “what?”

I said 30.

She said, “30??” See? Even she was surprised. I’m actually 31.

When the 6th cycle of resuscitation came, they were asking me point blank if they will continue or not. I was dumbfounded. I blurted, “I don’t know.” Then they explained that the max cycle in this hospital is 10x. They also asked me if we were planning to be “aggressive.” wtf is that? Seriously, explain more for common folks. I know what the word means but what does it mean in this moment?

Still not knowing anything, I said, “continue.” My mom through phone told me do everything. Then came 7th cycle, the doctor asked me again. I don’t want my dad to suffer more but I still said, “Yes, continue.” I heard the doctor told them “until 10.” There are no wrong decisions, if you reach this point where you have to decide.

When the 8th cycle came, I lose hope and told my sister it’s the end. We were crying our hearts out. Another doctor came to tell us that he had a conversation with my dad before. My dad told him to stop when this time comes. I was nodding my head but I didn’t tell them to stop. Then came 9th, then the final cycle…

This doctor went out to tell us that my dad just had a heartbeat but it’s unresponsive. It gave us a little hope. And a little hope is what we need.

I became a BTS Army

i put “boy with luv” on my spotify playlist back then. i thought the song’s fun & cute but I said, “i have no time to get into a new fandom. i have no time to know the names.” my younger sister became an army, so i got to know their names. then, this pandemic happened. i got so much time. i first watched dynamite then their interviews, compilations, and mvs. i got to know their personalities and songs. i downloaded their game bts world. i fell down the purple rabbit hole. i’m so glad i did.

i know there are toxic fans but it does not weigh heavier than my love to bts. the group became one of my motivations. they also became one of my distractions. lol they are so passionate and inspiring. i wish i got to know them sooner. i get inspired of their early struggles on their career. i still root for them because even if they made a name for themselves, they still get discriminated and some people invalidate their hard work.

i particularly like their love yourself theme. i’m sick of society dictating what you have to be. so their message resonates to me. i like their lyrics and tunes. i may not understand korean but i appreciate foreign stuff as long as it’s great to me.

REVIEW: One to Watch

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

It is very evident that this book is written for today’s generation. It has enough representation and diversity. It’s like twitterverse came to life with all the gossips and personalities. The heroine in the story is a plus-size internet famous woman who critized a dating reality tv show. Subsequently, the show cast her as the bachelorette.

quarantine

As our country public officials downplayed the corona virus, it took so many deaths before they made an action. Besides the frustrating and infuriating emotions I have toward the current administration, I made the most use of my time in quarantine at home. I am taking this chance to do what I always wanted to do but do not have the time to do so. Most of it are my hobbies and my escape from reality.

I spent my time doing calligraphy. I also watched a Korean drama called Crash Landing On You. I also finished watching Jane the Virgin. I watched an opera when they stream it online.

I read some books: The Post Office Girl, Becoming, Just One Year, The Upside of Falling, & Before the Coffee Gets Cold.

I enrolled in a lot of online courses. It is a bit impractical because the courses are not connected to my chosen career. ^.^ But, I am happy.

Here are my courses:

First, I am learning Japanese. I always want this. Now, I have no reason not to do it. I finished the beginner phase A1-1 & A1-2 Marugoto. Currently, I’m at A2-1. I hope it will stick to my brain lol. I want to watch animes without subtitles. I am obsessed with animes back in high school. I am so interested in their culture. I tried Alison but it has videos on a classroom setup. I find myself yawning. I will try edX Wuhan University, I will compare them all. I got addicted to Duolingo but it is not for Japanese beginners.

Second, PredictionX: Omens, Oracles & Prophecies HarvardX – SOC1.practx which I thought would teach me more about Astrology. It is only a primer of every method for predictions. I learned some things but it’s a bit boring for me.

Third, European Paintings: From Leonardo to Rembrandt to Goya UC3Mx – CEH.1-ENx

 

Fourth, Jane Austen: Myth, Reality and Global Celebrity University of South Hampton

I also have an online class of my actual subject in law school Tax2. I am so lazy. I guess because I am not into the topic.

I donated a few. It’s sad that I can only give little to others. I hope the virus would go away soon.

[I will update this list.]

Review: Brazen – Rebel Ladies Who Rocked the World

B R A Z E N ✊ Rebel ladies who rocked the world.
I never heard/saw this book until I found it at the discount shelf. Its color and the title made me picked it but I put it down because there were no descriptions on the cover. Then, I roamed around the book store and found myself picking it up again. I bought it. It was a very good decision. I like this book. It’s simple yet inspiring. Pénélope Bagieu illustrated feisty females who made history. My most favorite story is from Agnodice but the most interesting for me is the story of the Shaggs. I also like Hedy Lamarr, Margaret Hamilton, Wu Zetian, Sonita Alizade, and Nellie Bly.

a letter

[to be typed]

Review: Love & Misadventure

Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Someone said,
“You cannot dislike a book
you have not read.”
So I did.

And I still dislike it. I read pieces of Lang Leav’s works before in tumblr. It’s appealing at that social site, I could even reblog it there. But, a collection of her pieces is just a tumblr blog with the expense of the trees. Her pieces always include relatable lines so you would think of something familiar however, it is too general that it is beautiful on the surface. It is like a one-size-fits-all shirt which the money-making ventures mass produce and expect that it can cater everyone. Like the shirt, everyone may fit in it but not everyone will like how they look in it. Read an example:

“His Cause and Effect”

He makes me turn,
he makes me toss;
his words mean mine
are at a loss.
He makes me blush!
He makes me want
to brush and floss.

Eeeeek. I like her artworks though.

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Review: The View from the Cheap Seats: Selected Nonfiction

The View from the Cheap Seats: Selected Nonfiction by Neil Gaiman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The View from the Cheap Seats is a collection of speeches, introductions, and other writings of Neil Gaiman. Cheap seat is where you get a chance to be there even if you have limited view. You can also get the chance to see the big picture. Personally, I prefer the closer to stage seat so in a way, I can’t appreciate this book much more. The good news is that we do not need to buy other books to read other writings of Neil. We have access to his speeches, little musings, and writings about other authors and musicians. The bad news, however, is that we cannot all be in the loop. Because we’re in the cheap seats, we are here but we cannot reach the people on stage fully. The introductions by Neil Gaiman included, “the book you are holding” “The book you are going to read” “Come back after you read the book” which we cannot do because these are the only portions we have right now. Also, I have no idea almost half of the people he mentioned. The experience is just like having the cheap seat, you do not have the backstage access pass…unless you buy the other books he said and look for people and works he recommended.

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Instagram: South Korea series

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUa5Pk0ln3M/?taken-by=phoebeandamo

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUdcCPQFqRx/?taken-by=phoebeandamo

Review: The Martian Chronicles

The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If you like to read science fiction & short stories, I highly recommend this book. Here are some stories I enjoyed the most:

August 1999: The Earth Men
They declared that they were from the Earth. The people on the planet Tyrr were not impressed.

April 2000: The Third Expedition
Captain John Black’s expedition to Mars. They saw familiar faces.

August 2002: Night Meeting
Tomas Gomez meets a Martian.

June 2003: Way in the middle of the air
He said he can’t publish this story on 1949.
The story is about black people who did not rely on the politicians and set themselves free with technology.

April 2005: Usher II
This is where Fahrenheit 451 started. I haven’t read Poe’s Amonticillo so I’m convinced I should read it.

I listened to an audiobook of Martian Chronicles narrated by Ray Bradbury. I like that he added commentaries. After finishing the audiobook, he said that he was more optimistic than he was when he wrote this. He believed that we are going to Mars not to runaway from ourselves but to fulfill ourselves. If he would write it again, it will have a different ending. But, he said that he has total respect to the young person than he was. After reading the final chapter, he was touched by the feeling that he put in it for these people and for their hope and the face of annihilation to exist in the universe and eventually to move on out to the stars.

“I believe that we will someday live among the stars and live forever.”

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